You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
