I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
