I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
