Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
