I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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