is your mom at the bar?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
