When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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