haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
