A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
