yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My breasts were aching with rage.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
