doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
