Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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