Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
