I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
