literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
These tits shall not be calmed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
