Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
