dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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