By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
