She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
do nipples grow back?
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