Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
