We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
