4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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