There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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