Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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