They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
