please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
