chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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