I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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