Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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