Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
are you so shy because you have an std?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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