Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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