is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
