i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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