I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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