So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
