I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize