I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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