How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
