it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
