watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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