As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
