The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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