I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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