I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
