my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize