the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
