Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
