when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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