He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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