I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
