There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
