wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
