Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
