there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
