The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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