You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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