This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
