it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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