I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
