i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
