Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
