saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
