I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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