Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
