I seem to have left my pride at pride
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
