As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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