I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
