i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
