im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
