I'll bet she douches with gravy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
