You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
