i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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