Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize