Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
