Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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