This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
