ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
