Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
