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porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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