I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
is it fun? or sober?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize