Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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