I just threw up on my dentist
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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