I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
