i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
