went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
