What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
