i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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