Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want her autograph on my taint
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize