it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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