Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
