Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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