eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
