Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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