I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
