The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
