After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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