At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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