Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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