Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
