So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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