Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i need some magic done to my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
