Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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