i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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