I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
