I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
