On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
