so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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