Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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