Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
