just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
