I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I lost the right to judge tonight
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
