this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
