peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
